Casual Dating advisor - part 6

How to act with towards your regular partner

If you don't want to blow your cover, then make your fling into an accomplice and set some clear ground rules, or it will all end in tears.

The motto must be clear to both parties from the outset: "Have fun and keep your mouth shut!" In practice, that means:

Don't have flings with single people!

The problem with having a fling with a single person: they soon feel some sort of entitlement! You are risking that the single person falls in love with you and then poses a danger to you. Having a fling with someone who, like you, is in a long-term relationship is much less risky.

Don't make yourself a subject of blackmail!

Look for a fling whose status is similar to yours. Not your ambitious secretary who will then demand a pay rise. And don't chose your husband's colleague who has half an eye on the manager's position. Act on the assumption that someone who could derive benefits from the fling will eventually do so...

Be straightforward!

If you also lie to your fling, then the whole affair will soon turn into a reckless game of poker and your bluff might get called! Come clean and say at your first meeting that you are taken and that all you're looking for is a bit of a change!

Lay down the ground rules!

Ground rules are not just there to make sure that you are not found out, there are also there to ensure that your fling is not at risk. Because if you fling gets caught, it'll soon happen to you. You can be sure of that. Here are a few tips:
  • When and how do you communicate and who initiates it (mobile phone, email, text,...)?
  • When, where and how often can you meet?
  • Who is told what about the fling?
What happens if you experience LCS?

The abbreviation "LCS" comes form America (of course) and stands for "life-changing sex". The best sex of your life, that changes everything and drives you crazy. That's brilliant of course if you experience it with your fling, but it is also creates problems in your long-term relationship.

Our tip: Make the most of the fantastic LCS for a few weeks and then think again about whether the whole thing was important enough to say good-bye to you main partner. You will probably be terribly euphoric to begin with, but experience shows that this will stop soon enough.

Contraception, contraception, contraception!

Having a child with another partner really would be rather awkward. As would a sexually transmitted disease. Please insist on using condoms!

Avoid calling people by their first names!

Use your fling's first name as little as possible. Your brain will get used to it. And then it slips out "Oooh Sarah" or "Oooh Peter", just when you're in bed with your regular partner or when you talk in your sleep.

Don't stay with the same fling for too long!

The old rule: the longer you have a fling with one person, the more you get used to it and the more careless you become. And before you know it, everything is out in the open. And don't forget: the more long-term your fling, the more difficult it is for your partner to forgive you.

Continue with:      advisor part 7: the fling alibi

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